LOL. Tom Brady left hanging. Even he can look like a dork. This NEVER happens to Peyton Manning.
Hey Andrew...did you hear that Football Fest 2014 is only two days away!
Hey Andrew...did you hear that Football Fest 2014 is only two days away!
Actually I found a text message exchange published online between Shea Serrano, a contributor to Grantland.com, and Andrew Luck. It's awesome:
Me: Yo!
Andrew: hello
Me: holy christ man what a game!
Andrew: it was neat, I thought
Me: my boner will probably never go away
Andrew: what?
Me: nothing nvm congratulations
Andrew: thank you
Me: I was watching at home with my sons
Andrew: yeah?
Me: yeah. It was crazy. I was telling them how you're from houston
Andrew: well, not technically. I was born in D.C. and lived in London and came to Houston later
Me: YOU'RE FROM HOUSTON, ANDREW. YOU'RE ALL WE HAVE ANYMORE, ANDREW. DID YOU EVEN WATCH THE TEXANS, ANDREW? DON'T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM US, ANDREW.
Andrew: I heard they kicked the Texans out of the league because of how sucky you guys were this season
Me: :'(
Me: i have feelings, andrew
Me: what were you thinking when you recovered that fumble and dove into the end zone? Because I was thinking OHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU WHAT JUST HAPPENED
Andrew: same
Me: when you threw that bomb to Hilton for the lead I was so excited that I jumped up, screamed, picked up my son and then spiked him on the floor like a football
Andrew: is that true?
Me: YES!
Me: no
Me: but you get it
Andrew: I get it
Me: what was your favorite thing to do when you were in Houston, which is where you are from
Andrew: I just play football. That's it.
Me: but besides that
Andrew: I guess I liked studying.
Me: boooooooooooring
Andrew: did you know I was co-valedictorian?
Me: so was I
Andrew: really?
Me: YES!
Me: no
Me: :(
Me: but one time in high school I learned all the words to Mase's Harlem World album in like two days, so my parents were pretty proud of me too
Me: what were you thinking when you guys were down by 700 points?
Andrew: I thought we just needed to buckle down and play Colt football and we'd be able to get right back in the game.
Me: stop
Me: for real
Me: because I was thinking WTF IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW THE DEVIL IS REAL IS ANDREW LUCK REALLY ABOUT TO LOSE A PLAYOFF FOOTBALL GAME TO ALEX SMITH
Andrew: same
Me: Alex Smith is the worst.
Andrew: he's not
Me: I mean, I know. but you get it. He's just so alexsmithy. His name isn't even cool.
Me: Alex Smith.
Me: I can't even say it without making a smarmy face.
Me: Alex Smith. Gross. It sounds like the name of someone who sells mattresses. "I got a mattress guy. Alex Smith. Great mattress guy." Quarterbacks should have cool names. Joe Montana is a boss-ass name. Tom Brady. Joe Namath. Troy Aikman. Peyton Manning. Drew Brees. All of them, great names. Warren Moon. HIS NAME WAS WARREN GODDAMN MOON THAT'S THE ILLEST SHIT I EVER HEARD IN MY WHOLE LIFE THE ONLY THING BETTER WOULD'VE BEEN IF SOMEONE WAS NAMED ANDY ASTEROID OR WHATEVER
ME: OH FUUUUUU I'M GONNA START CALLING YOU ANDY ASTEROID
Andrew: don't
Me: dude, andy asteroid is definitely like 1,000 percent better than Andrew Luck.
Andrew: it's not
Me: :/
Me: how are you feeling about New England next week?
Andrew: it's gonna be a tough game
Me: are you going to try to start losing by four touchdowns and then come back and win
Andrew: I am not
Me: good, good
Me: because if you keep doing that I'm going to run out of sons to spike on the floor
Me: #RIPMySonISpikedOnTheFloor
Andrew: stop
Me: sry
Me: all right, man. good luck next week.
Andrew: thank you
Me: it's gonna be great
Andrew: hope so
Me: tom terrific vs. andy asteroid
Andrew: nope
Me: dang
Andrew: hello
Me: holy christ man what a game!
Andrew: it was neat, I thought
Me: my boner will probably never go away
Andrew: what?
Me: nothing nvm congratulations
Andrew: thank you
Me: I was watching at home with my sons
Andrew: yeah?
Me: yeah. It was crazy. I was telling them how you're from houston
Andrew: well, not technically. I was born in D.C. and lived in London and came to Houston later
Me: YOU'RE FROM HOUSTON, ANDREW. YOU'RE ALL WE HAVE ANYMORE, ANDREW. DID YOU EVEN WATCH THE TEXANS, ANDREW? DON'T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM US, ANDREW.
Andrew: I heard they kicked the Texans out of the league because of how sucky you guys were this season
Me: :'(
Me: i have feelings, andrew
Me: what were you thinking when you recovered that fumble and dove into the end zone? Because I was thinking OHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU WHAT JUST HAPPENED
Andrew: same
Me: when you threw that bomb to Hilton for the lead I was so excited that I jumped up, screamed, picked up my son and then spiked him on the floor like a football
Andrew: is that true?
Me: YES!
Me: no
Me: but you get it
Andrew: I get it
Me: what was your favorite thing to do when you were in Houston, which is where you are from
Andrew: I just play football. That's it.
Me: but besides that
Andrew: I guess I liked studying.
Me: boooooooooooring
Andrew: did you know I was co-valedictorian?
Me: so was I
Andrew: really?
Me: YES!
Me: no
Me: :(
Me: but one time in high school I learned all the words to Mase's Harlem World album in like two days, so my parents were pretty proud of me too
Me: what were you thinking when you guys were down by 700 points?
Andrew: I thought we just needed to buckle down and play Colt football and we'd be able to get right back in the game.
Me: stop
Me: for real
Me: because I was thinking WTF IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW THE DEVIL IS REAL IS ANDREW LUCK REALLY ABOUT TO LOSE A PLAYOFF FOOTBALL GAME TO ALEX SMITH
Andrew: same
Me: Alex Smith is the worst.
Andrew: he's not
Me: I mean, I know. but you get it. He's just so alexsmithy. His name isn't even cool.
Me: Alex Smith.
Me: I can't even say it without making a smarmy face.
Me: Alex Smith. Gross. It sounds like the name of someone who sells mattresses. "I got a mattress guy. Alex Smith. Great mattress guy." Quarterbacks should have cool names. Joe Montana is a boss-ass name. Tom Brady. Joe Namath. Troy Aikman. Peyton Manning. Drew Brees. All of them, great names. Warren Moon. HIS NAME WAS WARREN GODDAMN MOON THAT'S THE ILLEST SHIT I EVER HEARD IN MY WHOLE LIFE THE ONLY THING BETTER WOULD'VE BEEN IF SOMEONE WAS NAMED ANDY ASTEROID OR WHATEVER
ME: OH FUUUUUU I'M GONNA START CALLING YOU ANDY ASTEROID
Andrew: don't
Me: dude, andy asteroid is definitely like 1,000 percent better than Andrew Luck.
Andrew: it's not
Me: :/
Me: how are you feeling about New England next week?
Andrew: it's gonna be a tough game
Me: are you going to try to start losing by four touchdowns and then come back and win
Andrew: I am not
Me: good, good
Me: because if you keep doing that I'm going to run out of sons to spike on the floor
Me: #RIPMySonISpikedOnTheFloor
Andrew: stop
Me: sry
Me: all right, man. good luck next week.
Andrew: thank you
Me: it's gonna be great
Andrew: hope so
Me: tom terrific vs. andy asteroid
Andrew: nope
Me: dang
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